The restful weekend

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving holiday weekend, however you spent it. As I promised myself, I have spent it on my butt and today has been the busiest day of the four-day weekend. We had a good dinner on Thursday, although the metallic taste persists, and we decided on Friday evening that we would try a bland diet for me to see if that might speed the return to "normal." I'm trying my first day without Zantac, but since my stomach is now actually paining me a bit, I might have to take one. I've been sleeping between 10 and 11 hours a night, and I've watched a lot of television. I managed to get my Christmas cards done, and I finally washed and dried the wig. That was an adventure.

For the rest of today, I plan to pick out which cookies I'm going to bake this year, put away the few autumnal decorations I have out, and put the last of my warm weather clothes away. That should pretty much wear me out.

Thanks to Lydia G., who kept me company yesterday. I haven't even felt like talking on the telephone lately, so having a visit was a real treat. She brought goodies and things to do. You're a sweetheart, and I love ya!

It's back to the city tomorrow, so I don't want to overdo it today. Safe travels to anyone heading home after the long weekend, and drive carefully if you're out doing some holiday shopping.

Since I promised to post photos of the hair, here they are. You've already seen the "before" hair from our vacation photos, so no need to post another one here. Keep in mind that I had already had the wig on after my haircut, although even fresh from being washed and dried, it doesn't really look much different. :)

Miserable...but hopeful

I'm not feeling any better today. Still bone weary and wondering what I'm doing here. I probably should have stayed home, but since I'm off for four days, I felt obligated to get my butt into the office today. I'm still not sleeping well enough or long enough, but I hope to resolve those issues starting tomorrow. We have no plans for the entire weekend, so other than eating and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I'll be sitting around with my feet up.

Hopefully with the end of the steriods tomorrow, my taste and appetite will return to normal, and I'll sleep and feel better quickly. No bald spots or redness in any areas yet, although the skin on my back is tender. I'm still moisturizing away and sporting my wig, so other than my eyes lacking their usual sparkle, I assume I look okay.

I'll be thinking of all of you tomorrow as you gather with family and/or friends. I'm so thankful for each and every one of you. It would be a tougher road to travel without your support, encouragement, friendship and love. I'm glad to be spending another Thanksgiving with you, even if it's only in spirit.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Finished!

Yesterday was a bad day. I was tired (although I feel even more tired today), depressed, anxious, and completely not myself. I actually had to admonish myself during my walk to the hospital not to cry. Very unlike me. When I arrived, Joan, Dr. Yamada's assistant and liaison, stopped by to see me and noticed how tired and depressed I looked. She suggested that the metallic taste is being caused by the steriod and that I should continue to take Zantac for another week (my steriods finish Thursday). If the metallic taste continues beyond that, I should let them know.

She feels the moodiness is also from the steriod, and she and the nurse think that having the treatments along with coming into work every day has worn me down. The nurse tried to convince me to take off today, but it's a short week, so here I am. I don't recall the last time I felt this tired. Maybe about 10 years ago when I came back from Walt Disney World with the flu. I slept well last night, but it just wasn't enough. I did manage to have dinner with Ed and get caught up on what's happening in his world, so that was a good thing. I'm going to try to make it through dinner again tonight. Then it will be only one more morning this week with an alarm clock!

The treatment went fine yesterday and took much less time than they had allotted. Apparently I parked my butt perfectly in my mold so no adjustments were needed and I had seven blasts lasting between 37 and 65 seconds. All were done from the back directly to the tumor, so there was no colon involvement. No diarrhea issues forthcoming, thank goodness. In conformal radiation, where the beam is not targeted, other structures can be involved which may lead to complications like diarrhea. I'm sure I paid a lot more for this targeted approach, but the less they hit, the better.

My treatment was finished in about an hour and then I met with the nurse and Joan again. I have to go back in eight weeks following a brain MRI and my pelvic CT scan (mid-January). I guess they will be able to see what's going on with the mets at that time. As mentioned yesterday, my next Doxil treatment is scheduled for December 18 with another Zometa treatment on the 19th. I'll have to contact Dr. K's office to find out when she wants to scan and see me again. Perhaps I'll be able to get in another Doxil/Zometa treatment and then be scanned. At least I'll be able to get through the holidays without scanxiety.

So, my radiation saga ends. I'm very happy to have it done with and now will await the reactions. No bald spots yet and no redness that I nor Ed can see. My skin is still very dry all over, but moisturizer helps. I'm also still eating my way around the East Coast, but that should taper off with the end of the steriod -- I hope.

The young guy at the front desk of my office building asked me today if I changed my hair color and told me it looks great. Wait until my wig wearing days are over and I reveal the chopped off grey hair! That will be a shock to everyone. I really like the wig, but I have to admit that I enjoyed spending the entire weekend au natural!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and safe travels to anyone hitting the road or sky in the next few days!

I'm an eating machine

Damn these steriods! All I do is think about food. I eat (despite that metallic taste) and two hours later I'm starving. Watching cooking shows yesterday afternoon didn't help, but even this morning, all I'm thinking about is food. With Thanksgiving just days away and folks talking about their upcoming meals, I'm jonesing now for turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, cranberry sauce and pie, pie, pie! Thank goodness I only have three days left of this medication or I would be the size of a small house.

I slept a little better last night but I'm exhausted today nevertheless. Today is "G" day: gut day for all to see. I've gotten to know this group of three techs who have been working with me all week, so I'm not looking forward to showing off the flab this afternoon. The good news is that they won't see me again after today and that they've probably also seen flabbier guts than this one. Still, the humiliation factor is looming again and I'm not happy about it.

Overall, I'm not happy about the entire radiation treatment thing, but I've tried just to bully my way through it without giving it too much thought. The idea that I've been treated with these rays that themselves can cause cancer down the road (should I survive 15 or 20 years) and that the treatments can have such a detrimental effect on my daily strength and stamina is very depressing. Still, I'm trying to get through it and hope that this will provide long-term eradication of these metasteses. With another Zometa treatment under my belt and Doxil coming back up on December 18, I should be back to fighting the known evildoers without further interference from these upstarts. We'll keep our fingers crossed, won't we?

Lunch should be arriving momentarily, so I'll sign off. Thanks for listening, and have a few bites of food in my honor today. I'll enjoy them vicariously...

Yuck

My last skull treatments on Friday went fine and I hit the sack immediately upon getting home. Slept for 12 hours and spent most of yesterday simply laying around except for a brief trip to the library. Unfortunately, that resulted in not sleeping well because my body felt like it had been prone for so long there was no point in snoozing! I caught two hours of sleep at a time, then would be awake for a while, then sleep for another two hours. Made for a long night. Today I'm staying awake and vertical until bedtime since it's back to work tomorrow and time for my last radiation treatment at 1:40.

I've been suffering with a terrible metallic taste in my mouth for the past two days, which is really quite miserable. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it makes everything (and nothing) taste terrible. Brushing my teeth doesn't help, eating and drinking don't help, it's just plain yucky. I haven't even been drinking any wine -- that's how bad it is!! I will ask tomorrow at MSKCC how long I can expect this to last.

Otherwise, things are quiet. I caught up on paying the bills and organizing some of my paperwork, but I think it's time for a break. I'll be in touch again tomorrow or Tuesday.

Are you getting tired of me yet?

Daily posts! This is a first!

I arrived 10 minutes early for my radiation treatment yesterday thinking they may be on time since it was so early. I waited 15 minutes past my appointment time and then was shown in. Everything was going well through the first half of the treatment and then the attending physician (Dr. Yamada was not available) disappeared before approving my images. Apparently, the techs set up the machine and take an image of the tumor, and then a doctor views that image electronically and approves it or asks for an adjustment in the table. Once it's approved, the treatment begins. Well, I laid there all alone in that room for at least 20 minutes with no one saying anything. Since I was already anxious about making it out of there by 11 so I could catch a noon bus back to New Jersey, I finally reached a slow boil and starting calling out for an update. After several minutes of "hellos," the tech finally came into the room (from I know not where) to update me on the lack of approval.

In the end, it worked out and I was out of there by 11 -- although they did try to stop me on the way out to see a doctor (it would have been nice if they had informed me of that ahead of time), but I said "Not today" and continued on my way. I made it back to New Jersey in time for Ed and I to have some lunch before heading over for my Zometa treatment. Nothing spectacular there since there is no pre-medication needed, although I took an Ativan to prevent nausea since I suffered from it so badly after the first Zometa treatment. Once home, after a hot cup of tea and a half-hour of news, I was asleep before 6 p.m.

Nothing adverse to report this morning other than a slightly upset stomach. The steriod really bothers me so I've been taking 75 mg of Zantac usually at night to fight the sourness. No nausea today, which is a good thing, since I'm back in the city for work and my final skull treatment at 1:15 today. I'll also find out today what time my pelvic treatment will be on Monday. Since it involves set up, I'm assuming I'll be stuck with a 2, 3 or 4 o'clock slot, which will make for another long day.

The nurses at the chemo facility yesterday told me that the fatigue will likely increase next week before tapering off, so they recommended against doing anything but resting. So, looks like no housecleaning for me (bummer :) ) and we'll be laying low for Thanksgiving. I think we'll just cook up some spaghetti and sauce and open a nice bottle of wine and maybe watch a movie or two. What I'm looking forward to right now is no alarm clock tomorrow morning. Oh joy! Oh rapture! Let's see how long I can sleep...

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend and thanks, as always, for your support and caring.

Three down

After waiting another 30 minutes for my treatment yesterday, I was finished in about 40 minutes. It went fine and I managed to stay awake long enough to eat some dinner last night.

Today will be crazy. My appointment for radiation is at 9:45 and then I have to leave the city immediately to make my Zometa appointment in New Jersey at 2:30 -- and hopefully sneak in a bite of lunch in between. Last time I had Zometa (which was also the first time), you may recall I woke up the next day very nauseated. Today I'm going to take some Ativan prior to my treatment, since I have to come into the city tomorrow for my final skull radiation treatment (1:15 p.m.). On Monday, I'll have my single pelvic treatment and then I'll be done. At least I'll be home in time to have a decent dinner tonight and still hit the sack early.

No hair loss yet, but my skin is still pink. No noticeable sensitivity on my scalp, but I'm sure it's coming. Hope the wig doesn't bother it when that happens.

I'm assuming that my next Doxil treatment will be scheduled on or around December 19 and I don't know when my next scans will be. Will have to coordinate that with Dr. K and find out from Dr. Yamada's office when he will scan my skull and pelvis.

Until tomorrow...

More photos

Here's a link to the new photo album: http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2911127090047569132uwjMQS?vhost=good-times This one is more general and includes lots of photos of our friends and their two kids. As you can tell, everyone is having a great time.

Yesterday's radiation treatment went fine after I was left waiting for 35 minutes past my appointment time. Once inside, the treatment took about 45 minutes. My appointment today isn't until noon, so I plan to arrive around 12:15. MSKCC was unable to get me an earlier appointment on Friday, so I'm now trying to move my Zometa treatment to next Tuesday or Wednesday. What a pain.

I was so exhausted last night that I went to bed as soon as I came home. No dinner, no visiting with Ed, just bed. I feel a little better this morning, but still tired. No hair loss yet, and the wig is still looking good. My skin is very dry and I'm still pink where I was tan. Moisturizer is helping with the dryness, but I think the pink is here to stay for a while.

Winter weather has arrived here this week. It hasn't been above 40 in three days now. Quite a change from our 80 degree weather in the Caribbean last week and our arrival in New Jersey to 70 degrees on Saturday. Maybe this year we'll get some snow!!!

Not too bad

After being given an Ativan to help relax me (and to help me sleep once I got home), I was taken into a new room for my treatment. It took about 30 minutes for them to adjust my head and the mask to match the previously taken films exactly. Once that was completed, they took more images of the first tumor and then performed the treatment. There were five "zaps" (I didn't feel anything, just heard the machine) lasting from 10 to 22 seconds each, and the equipment was rotated to a new position after each zap (for lack of a better term). Then they adjusted the equipment, took images of the second tumor and then performed the treatment again (same deal). In total, the session lasted about 90 minutes. The others this week will be shorter.

Afterward, I received my appointment time for today (11:25) but no others for the week despite my trying to nail them down. They did inform me that the earliest appointment they had for Friday was 1 p.m., which doesn't work for me because I have a 2 p.m. appointment in New Jersey for Zometa. I'm going to push that issue today, because I do not want to miss the Zometa treatment since I am at the outer limit for that.

Other than waking up after an excellent night's sleep with pink skin where my tan was, I feel fine. No loss of hair yet and no sensitivity on my head at all. That may change shortly.

I'll be uploading the rest of our cruise photos soon. And for those who were wondering, Royal Caribbean recommends that women wear a T-shirt over their bathing suit when using the FlowRider. I decided to wear my bathing suit cover up, which normally ends around mid-thigh but stretched out to hit me below my knees by the time my hour session was up. It may not have been the look some were expecting, but it kept all my bathing suit pieces in their proper places despite that rushing water!

Back to reality

First, I want to mention that we had a great cruise and Chris and Ian were mainly responsbile for that. We were able to spend quite a bit of time with them, and even spent some time with their kids on the FlowRider during our private session. Thanks so much, you two, for a wonderful vacation and for many more happy memories. You're the best!

I have posted my FlowRider and rock wall adventures on Webshots so you can see my progress. Here's the link: http://good-times.webshots.com/album/568729982LzOzvq?vhost=good-times

For those who need instant gratification, here are a few photos to satisfy your curiosity. I took a private lesson along with Philip and Carina, Chris and Ian's kids (that's them on the right).

First time in the water

Look Mom, no hands!

My statue of Liberty pose

Pride goeth before the...

wipeout!!!!

After a rest of three days (but still achy) I decided to try out the rock climbing wall. As I had never tried this before -- not even before my surgery -- I wasn't sure I would do too well, but I climbed higher than I expected.

Just starting out

I got about halfway up the wall before I got really tired and remembered I'm afraid of heights. I did better than I expected but not as well as I had hoped.

Other than relaxing, eating, drinking and hanging out with Chris and Ian, those were my main adventures. I had thought about doing a karoake video, but they wanted $29.95 for a three-minute DVD! We spent the entire cruise on the ship because our itinerary was changed due to Hurricane Paloma. That moved our San Juan visit to Wednesday from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m., which means we missed our opportunity for dinner with our friends Lydia and Wilfredo. We were very disappointed to have missed them again, and at that point we decided we were going to stay onboard the entire cruise and enjoy all that the ship had to offer. On the port days, we were even able to get chairs next to the pool at 10:30 a.m.!!! Unheard of on sea days.

We returned Saturday afternoon and after a quick pizza dinner, I went to bed and slept from 5:30 p.m. until 7:30 a.m. Then after breakfast it was off to the hair stylist to have my hair cut off and my wig fitted. I'll post those photos in a few days. I had to start my steriods yesterday morning in anticipation of beginning treatment today, and it took me three sleepless hours last night to remember that the steriod makes me wired. I finally fell asleep sometime after midnight and woke up at 2:40 a.m. I've been up since.

Dr. Yamada's office called an hour ago to ask me to arrive at 2:30 rather than 3 today, so maybe I'll get out a few minutes earlier than I expected. I'll post tomorrow about my experience. At least my abdomen in its post-vacation glory will remain hidden until next Monday. The bad news is that steriods usually make me gain weight, so it could be really ugly by then. I'm having a smoothie today in the hopes of losing a bit more than the 0.4 pounds I've lost since we got home.

Before I sign off, I want to wish Melinda a very happy birthday. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, thoughtful, caring, generous, brave, sensitive, and a fabulous story teller, and I'm so happy to call you my friend. I wish we were celebrating it in the SS United States all dressed up in our formal night finery. Maybe next year!

Should have mentioned the Aussies...

We are lucky enough to be sailing with our good friends, Chris and Ian, and their two children. We first met onboard Brilliance in May 2005 (can't believe it's been that long), visited them during our post-surgery tour of Florida in May 2006, and had dinner with them in New York this past summer. Since we recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and theirs is next year, we've agreed to have 20 drinks together one night. That should be an interesting evening.

Chris and Ian are marvelous dancers, and we could spend hours watching them. One of the funniest moments onboard Brilliance was when Ian tried to get me to dance. I'm not a good dancer and I'm not good at following, so it was quite comical as he tried to lead me around the floor. Thank goodness Ed was videotaping it. It was even funnier to watch than it was to participate. They are headed back to Australia in the next year or so, and I suppose I'll have to start checking airfares to the land of Oz.

We're also lucky that we are going to have dinner in San Juan with Lydia and Wilfredo, who were also on that Brilliance cruise. Lydia and I share a birthday and have kept in touch via e-mail all these years. Our last plans to meet them for dinner went awry, so we are looking forward to spending some time with them. They also happen to be terrific dancers, and Wilfredo and I share a love of good red wine. I don't think we'll be able to get them to dance during dinner, but I'm sure we'll enjoy ourselves.

Can't wait to see you all!! Now I'm starting to get excited...

Leavin' on a jet plane...

Before we head off for warmer (although potentially rainier) places, I wanted to update my schedule. My first treatment -- to the clivus and two mets in my skull -- will take place on Monday, Nov. 17 at 3 p.m. I usually take a 4 p.m. bus home, but that will not be the case that day. I can't get a schedule for the remaining five treatments until I arrive that day and put in my time request. My plan is to ask for a time somewhere between 9 a.m. and noon. That way, I can do my work in the office first thing, go up to MSKCC and have treatment, and come back with plenty of time before I leave for the bus. We'll see how that plan works out.

I also have a follow up with Dr. Healey that morning, plus x-rays in advance of that appointment. Guess I'll be spending quite a bit of time at 68th and York that day.

I will be basically out of touch during our trip because I am taking a computer break other than the time I need to spend doing my work each morning. So don't panic when you don't see any updates. I'll post about my vacation, hair, wig, and treatment experiences after we return. Thanks to all who wished us "bon voyage."

Treatment dates

I received a call this morning with my treatment schedule, although I don't have times yet. They plan to do the clivus and two skull mets during the same treatment, and those will run from November 17 through 21. My pelvis will be done on November 24. I have to start my steriods on November 16 and I'll be taking them for 12 days. One of the side effects of the steriods is increasing your appetite. Can you imagine what Thanksgiving will be like??? Ed's going to have to serve my food and keep me away from any leftovers. And this will start right after vacation with its attendant weight gain. Yikes!

I ordered some recommended skin lotion and hair care products so I'll be ready when the treatments begin. I hope the wig doesn't irritate my scalp, but I won't know until I try it. And for those who were wondering, I'm not planning to go for a Sinead O'Connor look when I cut my hair but just something short enough that it doesn't make the wig difficult to put on. After all, I plan to wear it to work and when we go out, but not at home or with friends. My bald spots will show, but I assume Ed won't mind. :)

We got out most of our vacation gear over the weekend, with the exception of some items that need to be picked up at the dry cleaner or were in the laundry. I hope to finish the piles up by tomorrow night. We're getting this down to a science. All that will be left will be packing the suitcases and printing out our boarding passes. Then it's bon voyage!!