Random thoughts

I learned today that a former neighbor has been diagnosed with breast cancer. A recent mamogram hadn't revealed anything, but a few months later she discovered a lump in one of her breasts and followed up. She is headed to MSKCC this week for a second opinion. She's picked the best place to determine the extent of the disease and what her treatment options are. I just wanted her to know that I'll be thinking about her. She's one tough woman, so I expect that she'll be ready to battle whatever is thrown at her.

Last week I learned that the man who had driven my morning bus into the city for the past six years killed himself. This occured while I was working from home. Apparently he was going through a divorce and had lost his fulltime job, and he told a friend that he felt he hadn't accomplished anything in his life. I don't know exactly how old he was, but with two sons in college, I would guess he was in his mid to late 40s. From what I understand, he had already lost his job the last time I rode the bus back in mid-September. I didn't know him well, but he seemed the same as always and never hinted that he wasn't going onto his job after dropping us all off. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. It's such a shame that he felt so lost that there must have seemed to be no other option. There is no way that I could have known (we chatted, mainly about his sons, but nothing else), but I wish there was something I could have done or said. Now it's too late for everyone, and it seems like such a waste.

This stock market just doesn't seem to know which way to go. Today's early reports are expecting huge gains, although yesterday's pre-opening expectations were for a total bust. I imagine many of you are doing what we are doing: holding off on purchases, cutting back on eating out and entertainment, thinking long and hard about a budget for the upcoming holiday season, and worrying a bit about keeping our jobs and our health insurance. Personally, I am just riding this out. I had no idea that the market would fall this far, and I have no idea where the bottom is (if I did, I wouldn't be worrying about money because I'd be Warren Buffet). I wasn't smart enough to pull my money out back in January when the market started to head south, and there was no point in pulling it out when the market was already down. If I was holding cash, I'd sit on it a while longer, but since I'm still fully invested for my retirement (ha ha), I'm planning to wait this out. Theoretically, I've got 20 years until I need the money, so there's no point in sweating it now.

On the other hand, many people are worried about their jobs and rightly so. So far, we've been lucky here that our partners also have decided to ride this market out and not pull their investments from the fund. This would be a tough time to find another job, and it's health insurance that I am most worried about. It's difficult enough to pay the balance of the bills from MSKCC. If we didn't have excellent health insurance with out of network benefits, I wouldn't be able to go there at all. Thank goodness we found the NJ chemo facility (despite the problems I've had there), since it's saved us quite a bit in out of pocket payments since June. The economy will eventually turn around, and I hope that all of us can hang on until it does.