No waterworks yet

I guess the main issue with the bald spots is that they are a visible sign of my disease. Other than the scar on my left leg, which I rarely look at, there has been no other sign that I have cancer. That goes a long way in helping me believe that I'm not really "sick," despite having to go for treatments, scans, doctor visits and the like. Seeing bald patches on my head, on the other hand, not only makes the disease real, but it also makes it impossible to deny that I have tumors in my head. That is a scary reality, especially when I know that they didn't treat them all -- just the "important" one in my clivus and the one that was bothering me (along with a small one located nearby).

How does one wrap her mind around the idea of having tumors in her head? It's not easy. I suppose I view my disease as being part and parcel of my entire body, not as residing in specific areas. I mean, I KNOW I have at least one tumor in my lung and one in my ilium (blasted though it is now) and multiple tumors in my skull (three blasted as well), but I think about treating the cancer as a whole rather than concentrating on the individual tumors. Does that make any sense? I view myself as a normal person who happens to have cancer, which is why the bald spots are a shock since "normal" people don't suddenly get bald spots. Maybe that's also why I just keep "movin' and groovin'," doing whatever I have to do to treat the disease, and then getting back to my life as quickly and normally as possible. I don't consider myself a "cancer patient." I view myself as me with cancer. That's the best way I can explain it.

The metallic taste is gone and the utter exhaustion is gone, too, although the past two days I've been tired at the end of the day. I was able to enjoy a very small glass of wine Friday night and I haven't looked back since. My cough has returned at the same time as Ed's sinus problems, so we're still not sure whether it's caused by allergies or something disease related. Was it a coincidence that I didn't have the cough while I was on the steriod or during the period while I was still having that metallic taste (meaning the steriod wasn't out of my system yet)? I have no idea. No sign of anything on my back where the treatment to my ilium was performed, but I've been putting moisturizer on it daily as directed.

My mom is coming to stay overnight Saturday and we'll be baking pecan shortbreads this weekend. Last weekend's peanut butter cookies were okay, but nothing to write home about. We won't be using that recipe again. I still haven't gotten around to getting anything on the tree, but Mom can keep me company while I work on that. I hope that your holiday decorating is moving along at a faster pace than mine.

It's a crazy time of year, but make sure you take a few minutes each day just to relax and take a few deep breaths. And a glass of whatever you enjoy helps, too!